Wednesday, 2 February 2011

The Final Eight

The Maple Leaf is a massive, hulking, well...tree. He is the biggest Guardian and an immovable object which is great provided the bad guy walks right by him. He can control plant life which is kind of useless unless he knows where those plants from Jumanji are. "Always quick with a joke or a sarcastic barb, the Maple Leaf often disarms his opponents by bringing levity to tense situations." Fantastic news if The Wet Bandits happen to be running by. "He fires sticky 'sap' bombs from his fingertips that trap his opponents like an insect in amber," so I guess in 65 million years someone will be able to use his DNA to bring back us back after we go extinct.  

The Senator has his values kinda backwards. Apparently he didn't get the memo that slavery is bad and sold himself into it. His bravery in being a slave/gladiator allowed him to become Russel Crowe. He's over 2000 years old. You know how most people suck at driving when they're 70? Imagine this guy. Yikes.

A guy who loves the Miami nightlife, The Panther is yet another hero who doesn't take his job too seriously. Half man and half panther (who knew?), he can claw through any six inch steel walls. Now that the bad guys know that, they just have to make their fortresses 7 inches think and they're all set. I did learn something new though, apparently a shadow has elements. Go figure.

In trying to make this guy as diverse as possible, they forgot to give him a power. Seriously, this guy is a cop and that's about it. Other than some pretty cool weaponry, he's got nothing.

Relaxed and young, The Duck is a "rebel with a trust fund." You know those kids who grow up in a nice neighborhood with proper parents and a great education who try and act all gangster? That's this guy. His suit allows his to breathe underwater for a small amount of time and he can fly in short bursts. Or, you know, be a duck. He has a bunch of specialized surfboards and boots that serve the same purpose, they both allow him to glide quickly across the surface of the water. Can't he just pick one?

I got nothing. The Blue is actually pretty awesome.

The Islander is one of the toughest Guardians. I would be too if I had a metal shark suit on and chainmail suspenders, whatever the hell that is. He's kind of a shitty sailor in that what seaman enjoys being on land more? He can control ocean currents and, yet again, can control the weather. Come on, this is getting ridiculous now. They need to come up with new ideas, that's the fifth hero already that can control the weather.

The Thrasher doesn't have much going for him other than the fact he can fly, the term 'hand cannons' doesn't give him much credibility either. He can fly, like, really really fast. He has titanium armor and can fire mini cruise missiles which is pretty cool. But those hand cannons... 

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