The Next Seven Guardians

As you could have guessed, I am not the only one who is critical of The Guardian Project. This article on Bleacher Report addresses just how dumb of an idea this is, NBC Sports did as well. Let's get started on the most recent seven "heroes" revealed.

The creators of The Guardian Project are keeping up with the trend of ripping off known characters; The Wild  just takes after Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde. Half the time he's an intellectual, the other half a raging maniac. He becomes so crazy that he "chains himself up at night so as not to cause any unnecessary mayhem." Does anyone else see a problem with this? Let's skip the fact that if he is chaining himself up he either a) has to keep the key near him for when he wakes up so he should be able to get out when he goes crazy, or b) he tosses the key away and can't get out the next morning. He has incinerators on his hands and can tunnel through the earth! I don't think it would be too much trouble to break through a chain. And let's hope he never gives a fellow super hero a pat on the back or we will only have 29 mutant freaks to fight crime. By the way, I can't wait to see what kind of brilliant criminal mastermind they come up with for these guys to fight. 

The Lightning has the ability to control lighting (wow, who would have seen that one coming?). And that's pretty much it. Has anyone ever tried to write a paper but the topic was too specific to find adequate information so you just rewrote the same sentence over and over in order to fill the required pages? Well, that's what they did on nhl.com, stating roughly five times in two short paragraphs that he can control lightning. They really couldn't think of any other power to give this guy other than he's a ladies man. I'm sure getting lit up like a Christmas Tree is exactly what girls are going for these days.

This is just an unfortunate case of a guy with zero confidence. The Predator can spit radioactive plasma and can rip through steel like paper, yet he still sees himself as an underdog. And why exactly, the underdog he is, does he always volunteer first for any mission? Do the other heroes get annoyed at him for always asking to go first like that nerd in school everyone always made fun of? Hey Wild, give him a high five and you won't have to deal with this suck up anymore.

The exact opposite of his Predator brethren, The Shark only works when he feels like it. It's strange not for him to be the kiss-ass, seeing as he is the computer geek of the group (and we all know how great computers and salt water mix together). He can also control sharks to help him on a mission, if only a certain small-town sheriff didn't keep killing all his allies (damn you Chief Brody! he only ever wanted to help!). Hey, sometime you just need to do bad things in order to infiltrate the bad guys and dismantle their operation from the inside out. Ever see The Departed? Like that but with sharks.

Another Guardian who is just a big kid, The Bruin is also another Guardian who is very intelligent. The creators have now gone beyond ripping of current, established super heroes, they're just ripping off the other guardians they have already created themselves.   He has the ability to smell crime which, as any Sunny in Philly fan can tell you, has already been done. So this guy has the uncanny ability to track prey really well and scare people with nothing but his roar. Soo...basically he's a bear.

Ok, The Canuck is just Batman with a whale motif. Here is yet another guy who can control the weather except he can "fashion the resulting downpour into any number of offensive or defensive weapons," which is great if he's fighting the Wicked Witch of the West. He can also summon his whale friends to help him out when necessary. I hope he and The Shark never work together; having all the sharks eat all the whales might make for some awkward moments around their base. 

Give Ironman a new paint job and you have The Canadien. He has jets in his boots, along with ice skates and roller blades so he can get around. Uhh...can't he, you know, fly? He can take any power he wishes from any of the other Guardians and makes them all better at what they do. I bet The Leaf secretly loathes him. What he have here is another ladies man, some one rich in culture (and French culture, come on!) who believes he's the best at everything. I know people like that. They're called pricks.

Offseason Recap-Southeast Division

Finishing up the Eastern Conference, here is a look at the Southeast Division. Expect a few teams other than the Capitals to make the playoff from the Southeast this season.


Washington Capitals - 1
Key Signings
7/2: G Dany Sabourin (BOS) 1 year
7/7: D Jeff Schultz (re-signed) 4 years
7/7: LW Kyle Greentree (CHI) 2 years
7/8: RW Eric Fehr (re-signed) 2 years
7/14: RW Brian Willsie (COL) 1 year
7/15: RW Andrew Gordon (re-signed) 1 year
7/15: D Patrick McNeill (re-signed) 1 year
7/27: LW Tomas Fleischmann (re-signed)
Trades
7/28: F D.J. King from STL for F Stefan Della Rouvere
Departures
D Milan Jurcina (NYI)
D Joe Corvo (CAR)
D Shaone Morrison (BUF)
C Brendan Morrison
G Jose Theodore
RW Scott Walker
C Eric Belanger
What To Expect
Not many changes were made this summer in Washington, a team that should once again take advantage of a weak division to help them finish on top of the conference. The Capitals have a great cast of support players to complement the likes of Alexander Ovechkin, Alexander Semin, Nicklas Backstrom, and Mike Green and GM George McPhee spent the summer re-signing them. Major changes have all come in the form of subtractions, most notably veteran goalie Jose Theodore which will leave to door open for youngsters Semyon Varlamov and Michal Neuvirth to fight for the starting job. There really isn't much left to prove in the regular season, as the Capitals really need to focus all their attention to April and beyond.


Tampa Bay Lightning - 7
Key Signings
7/1: G Dan Ellis (NAS) 2 years
7/2: D Pavel Kubina (ATL) 2 years
7/5: D Brett Clark (COL) 2 years
7/6: RW Teddy Purcell (re-signed) 1 year
7/6: D Mike Lundin (re-signed) 1 year
7/15: C Blair Jones (re-signed)
7/16: C Paul Szczechura (re-signed) 1 year
7/16: C Nate Thompson (re-signed) 1 year
7/25: LW Chris Durno (COL) 1 year
7/29: D Mathieu Roy (CLB) 1 year
7/30: C Dominic Moore (MON) 2 years
8/11: LW Juraj Simek (re-signed) 1 year
8/17: LW Sean Bergenheim (NYI) 1 year
8/25: RW Steve Downie (re-signed) 2 years
8/25: D Randy Jones (LA) 1 year
Trades
7/1: 2nd round draft pick (2012) from PHI for D Andrej Meszaros
7/19: LW Simon Gagne from PHI for D Matt Walker and 4th round draft pick (2011)
8/16: G Cedrick Desjardins from MON for G Karri Ramo
8/27: F Alex Berry and F Stefano Giliati from TOR for D Matt Lashoff
Departures
LW Alex Tanguay (CAL)
G Antero Niittymaki (SJ)
D Kurtis Foster (EDM)
F Zenon Konopka (NYI)
D David Hale (OTT)
What To Expect
Rookie GM Steve Yzerman has had quite a summer in his first time away from Detroit. Stability in the front office combined with some key new faces should go a long way towards bringing Tampa Bay back into the playoff picture. The addition of Simon Gagne came relatively risk free, acquired for Matt Walker and with one year left on his contract. Should he stay healthy the Lightning will have two solid scoring lines. Dan Ellis will challenge Mike Smith for the starting job; the two former Stars should push each other and provide the team with solid goaltending. On defense Andrej Meszaros and Kurtis Foster are gone, replaced by Pavel Kubina, a member of their 2004 Stanley Cup team, and Brett Clark.


Carolina Hurricanes - 8
Key Signings
7/1: LW Jonathan Matsumoto (PHI) 2 years, two way, $1.025 M/$210,000
7/5: G Justin Peters (re-signed) 2 years, two way, $1.05 M/$210,000
7/7: D Joe Corvo (WAS) 2 years, $4.5 M
7/7: D Casey Borer (re-signed) 1 year, two way, $500,000/$65,000
7/12: C Nick Dodge (re-signed) 1 year, two way, $500,000/$55,000
7/15: D Bryan Rodney (re-signed) 1 year, two way, $525,000/$105,000
7/20: D Brett Carson (re-signed) 1 year, two way, $500,000/$105,000
Trades
5/13: RW Jared Staal from PHO for 5th round draft pick (2010)
6/26: C Riley Nash from EDM for 2nd round draft pick (2010)
6/26: D Bobby Sanguinetti from NYR for 6th round draft pick (2010) and 2nd round draft pick (2011)
6/26: C Jonathan Matsumoto from PHI for 7th round draft pick (2010)
Departures
LW Ray Whitney (PHO)
C Rod Brind'Amour
G Manny Legace
D Brian Pothier
What To Expect
The Hurricanes are going to benefit, more than anything else this season, from a healthy lineup. Injuries and a slow start (that's putting it lightly) were what caused Carolina to miss the playoffs last season. Heart and soul leader Rod Brind'Amour has retired and offensive linchpin Ray Whitney moved on to Phoenix making this 100% Eric Staal's team. Joe Corvo is back with the team after being traded to Washington during last season's trade deadline.


Atlanta Thrashers - 12
Key Signings
7/1: G Chris Mason (STL)
7/7: LW Eric Boullton (re-signed)
7/22: G Ondrej Pavelec (re-signed) 2 years
7/28: LW Ben Eager (CHI)
7/29: LW Andrew Ladd (CHI) 1 year, $2.35 M
8/19: D Freddy Meyer (NYI) 1 year
8/23: RW Bryan Little (re-signed)
Trades
6/23: LW Dustin Byfuglien, D Brent Sopel, LW Ben Eager, and RW Akim Aliu from CHI for 24th overall draft pick (2010), 2nd round draft pick (2010), C Marty Reasoner, LW Jeremy Morin, and RW Joey Crabb
6/24: Future Considerations from SJ for D Mike Vernace, LW Brett Sterling, and 7th round draft pick (2010)
7/1: Andrew Ladd from CHI for D Ivan Vishnevsky and 2nd round draft pick (2011)
8/2: F Patrick Rissmiller and LW Donald Brashear from NYR for C Todd White
Departures
RW Colby Armstrong (TOR)
G Johan Hedberg (NJ)
D Pavel Kubina (TB)
LW Vyacheslav Kozlov
LW Clarke MacArthur (TOR)
What To Expect
Many GMs try to take the style of the former Stanley Cup winner, Atlanta GM Rick Dudley just takes the players from them. Four players from the Stanley Cup Champion Chicago Blackhawks are now members of the Thrashers. Defenseman Brent Sopel will take a spot in place of Pavel Kubina who bolted back to Tampa Bay. Dustin Byfuglien, Andrew Ladd, and Ben Eager combine to add depth throughout the forward lines. The signing of Chris Mason and the re-signing of Ondrej Pavelec should give the Thrashers stable goaltending, an upgrade over the injury plagued Kari Lehtonen who was traded to Dallas last season.


Florida Panthers - 14
Key Signings
7/2: Chris Higgins (CAL) 1 year
7/7: D Jason Garrison (re-signed) 2 years
7/7: D Nathan Paetsch (CLB) 1 year
8/3: D Mike Weaver (STL) 2 years
8/19: LW Andrew Peters (NJ) 1 year
Trades
6/22: D Dennis Wideman, 15th overall draft pick (2010), and 3rd round draft pick (2011) from BOS for RW Nathan Horton and C Gregory Campbell
6/25: RW Steve Bernier, RW Michael Grabner, and 1st round draft pick (2010) from VAN for D Keith Ballard and RW Victor Oreskovich
7/22: C Marty Reasoner from CHI for F Jeff Taffe
Departures
None
What To Expect
For a team that didn't lose anyone without a return, the Panthers did not get any better this season. Dennis Wideman replaces Keith Ballard and Chris Higgins replaces Nathan Horton, but otherwise the team remains largely the same. They will benefit from having David Booth on the ice, provided he keeps his head up when Mike Richards is around. Tomas Vokoun return as starting goalie, but he can only do so much. The rebuild continues.

Sources: NHL.com Free Agent Tracker, TSN.ca Trade Center, The Hockey News Yearbook